Girl Talk: When Is It Not OK?
by
Sally Ann Street
Our girlfriends mean the world to us and it’s no secret that most of us share many of our most intimate secrets with our female friends. We serve as each others cheerleaders, coaches, confidants, therapists and that someone who can be counted on in our hour of need. True friends are honest with each other and don’t gossip about one another, as dishonesty and gossip are violations of trust.
Hopefully as the years go by a love relationship finds its way into each of our lives. If that relationship is to be a strong and abiding one we need to establish the same ground rules that we ideally have learned through our years of having true friendships and being a true friend in return. Here also remember, true friends are honest with each other and don’t gossip about one another, as dishonesty and gossip are violations of trust! Our intimate partner deserves better than having us “gossip” about him to our inner circle of friends. I would say the test is “Would I be willing to tell my partner that I have shared this information with my friends”? Or if my partner finds out I shared this information, would he feel alright about that?” If not and we are talking behind their back, we are being dishonest with them. Openness and honesty are vital ingredients in an intimate relationship. Grabbing the phone when they walk out the door to share all of their perceived flaws and errors with our girlfriends is not being true, respectful or honest with our partner. In addition if some of this sacredly held information gets out of our circle of friends it can cause damage to our partner’s reputation and future.
Does this mean you should never speak with your girlfriends about your partner; never vent or ask for their advice or opinion on relationship issues? Of course not! But here, as in so many areas of life, it’s a good idea to set some ground rules for doing so.
Speak to your intimate partner about their views on this subject. Work to be on the same page here. What issues do they feel should be kept as “sacred trusts” between just the two of you? Work on establishing a truly open relationship with your partner so that you can discuss anything with him or her. If you feel safe in expressing your wants, needs, fears and deepest feelings with your partner, you will not have such a driving need to pick up the phone to discuss the issues with your girlfriends. Ask yourself, “If I was my partner, how would I feel about the content of the information that is being shared and discussed? How would I feel about the tone with which this information is being discussed? Would I feel hurt and betrayed?” If the answer is yes, then chances are these are not things you should be discussing with your girlfriends. Whenever you are “putting your guy down” to your friends, you are also being disrespectful to and eroding your bond with your partner.
Remember that in the best relationships, intimate partners are also best friends. To have a true friend, you first need to be a true friend, and true friends don’t gossip about one another!
Sally Ann Street
Our girlfriends mean the world to us and it’s no secret that most of us share many of our most intimate secrets with our female friends. We serve as each others cheerleaders, coaches, confidants, therapists and that someone who can be counted on in our hour of need. True friends are honest with each other and don’t gossip about one another, as dishonesty and gossip are violations of trust.
Hopefully as the years go by a love relationship finds its way into each of our lives. If that relationship is to be a strong and abiding one we need to establish the same ground rules that we ideally have learned through our years of having true friendships and being a true friend in return. Here also remember, true friends are honest with each other and don’t gossip about one another, as dishonesty and gossip are violations of trust! Our intimate partner deserves better than having us “gossip” about him to our inner circle of friends. I would say the test is “Would I be willing to tell my partner that I have shared this information with my friends”? Or if my partner finds out I shared this information, would he feel alright about that?” If not and we are talking behind their back, we are being dishonest with them. Openness and honesty are vital ingredients in an intimate relationship. Grabbing the phone when they walk out the door to share all of their perceived flaws and errors with our girlfriends is not being true, respectful or honest with our partner. In addition if some of this sacredly held information gets out of our circle of friends it can cause damage to our partner’s reputation and future.
Does this mean you should never speak with your girlfriends about your partner; never vent or ask for their advice or opinion on relationship issues? Of course not! But here, as in so many areas of life, it’s a good idea to set some ground rules for doing so.
Speak to your intimate partner about their views on this subject. Work to be on the same page here. What issues do they feel should be kept as “sacred trusts” between just the two of you? Work on establishing a truly open relationship with your partner so that you can discuss anything with him or her. If you feel safe in expressing your wants, needs, fears and deepest feelings with your partner, you will not have such a driving need to pick up the phone to discuss the issues with your girlfriends. Ask yourself, “If I was my partner, how would I feel about the content of the information that is being shared and discussed? How would I feel about the tone with which this information is being discussed? Would I feel hurt and betrayed?” If the answer is yes, then chances are these are not things you should be discussing with your girlfriends. Whenever you are “putting your guy down” to your friends, you are also being disrespectful to and eroding your bond with your partner.
Remember that in the best relationships, intimate partners are also best friends. To have a true friend, you first need to be a true friend, and true friends don’t gossip about one another!
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