It’s about I……..

I will take personal responsibility for how I feel, behave and react.  
I will take responsibility for making my marriage joyful.
I will give 100% of myself to our relationship.  
I will look to myself first and foremost as the one to change.
It’s always easier to look to another to blame. There is only one person I can control and that person is me.



Don’t participate in the game of tit for tat……

Tit for tat snowballs quickly and is devastating to a relationship.  (My partner doesn’t like the dinner I made and my ego is hurt so the next night I tell him to get his own _______dinner.  He stays out to eat the next night without calling; so I head out on the town with my girlfriends to get even.)  
It could be a million things. But you get the drift.  This is highly destructive behavior that can run away with a relationship and pull the carpet right out from beneath you before you even realize what happened.  Don’t let it!  When tempted to “strike back”, step back instead and express love and forgiveness.

Remember it is better to be happy, than it is to be right and we are seldom really upset for the reason we think we are anyway. Analyze your thoughts, your feeling, your motives and your actions BEFORE you display them. Forgive, give your partner the benefit of the doubt, be open, honest and transparent, speak the UNARGUABLE truth (like, I felt so hurt when you said the dinner was overcooked. I was trying hard to please you), instead of prejudiced opinions (Like, man you’re such a jerk!) and keep the lines of communication open.


Openly Express Gratitude and Appreciation……

The longer two people are together the more they tend to take each other for granted.  Keep the love alive by actively looking for and expressing gratitude and appreciation for each other.


Turn To Each Other…..

Turning away from each other is sometimes a strong temptation; especially during times of conflict, or differing opinions.  But turning to each other breaks down the walls between you.

Be there. Really be there. When your partner speaks, truly listen.  When your partner needs comfort, give it.  When your partner needs space, provide it with your blessing.  When your partner comes to you about a difficult issue, don’t make them wish they hadn’t! When your partner reaches for you, reach back.

Hurt feeling and bruised egos can cause us to turn away from our partners emotionally, making it hard not to close down. Turning toward your partner with an open heart; even if it is an aching heart, is a powerful statement of love.  


Don’t let any topics remain taboo…...yes, even money!

Chances are, the harder it is to talk about, the more important it is to do so. Couples absolutely need to talk openly about money!  More marriages fall apart over financial issues than anything else!  Yet couples often     take an “If we don’t discuss it, the issue will go away stand” with regard to discussing finances.  They hide      purchases in the trunk of the car, horde money in a secret bank account, take extra “cash out” at the grocery     store and hide their income information like it was Fort Knox.  Hiding, sneaking, lying and withholding have     a snowball effect and are all lethal to love!  The new book, Financial Infidelity - Seven Steps to Conquering     the  #1 Relationship Wrecker, by Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD is a must read for any couple who want to build     and maintain a strong, open and loving relationship.


Be available to each other physically.

    
The physical relationship is the one thing that sets intimate relationships apart from all other relationships. Being rejected physically by ones partner has a strong negative impact.  It effects how a person feels about him or herself, their sense of self worth and their overall feelings of satisfaction in the marriage.  Over time it can become a power struggle that no one wins. Couples who grow apart sexually, also gradually stop the other tender expressions of their love, like holding hands, hugging and exchanging loving glances across a room.  The playful flirting that keeps love vibrant and alive falls by the way side and little by little they loose the ability to turn to each other for physical, or emotional comfort when they are hurting or afraid.  

A solid commitment and willingness to stay open to each other physically goes a long way in keeping a marriage alive and vital.  Not just available in body, but opening to your partner with your mind and spirit. The tiredness that may stop you will pass, the headache will pass, the irritation from the days activities will pass, but the love will last, if the dedication is there to give of yourself when turned to.


Make celebration the primary tone of your partnership….

Play.  Have fun. Dance around the room. Reminisce together often over the precious moments you have shared. Get past an argument by taking a bike ride together, making love, or chasing each other through the yard. Lighten up. Laugh at how silly it is to argue over the color of the dining room. Celebrate your love.  Life is short!



Regards,

Sally Ann Street

Personal Love Coach